When travelling long-haul there are times of despair
But there are certain ways in which one can prepare
Each flight is different, each is unique
But read ahead for some ways to make them less bleak
Armrest Ownership is a curious battle
And of crucial importance in the Class of the Cattle
If you have a greedy-guts sitting right next to you
Apply elbow pressure until more space you accrue
The scent of those close makes me want to say,
“Did you forget to use some deodorant today?”
Instead spray yourself with some floral tea tree
Then aim it on them: “Oopsie got some on you – so sorry!”
Another aroma fills the cabin air
A little girl has peed on her Dad over there
Her ear-piercing screams could burst eardrums, but not mine –
The noise-cancelling headphones come on just in time
A trip to the loo is no walk in the park
The aisle is a meeting place for limbs in the dark
Once you make it inside, try not to breath much
And even more so, aim for little to touch
Try not to think, “What created this vapor?”
And don’t expect more than one-ply toilet paper
Don’t look in the mirror, don’t try fix your hair,
Just do your stuff quick and get out of there
It’s meal service time, the best time of the flight!
But wait – why is there spicy lamb curry in sight?
Stick to the chicken and prepare for the fact
That ‘silent but deadlies’ are gonna be cracked
The eye-shades come on, I’m finally sleepy
But why is the guy next to me so painfully creepy?
His head’s on my shoulder, his thigh’s touching mine
This calls for a show of Faux Coughing Fit Time
I doze off in a most unnatural position
A neck pillow helps minimise the condition
When I come to again, I can totally swear
That I’ve been out for 5 hours and we’re almost there
I see the flight map in front and I almost bawl –
I slept for 22 minutes – that’s it, that is all!
Because Words with Friends can’t be played in the air
I continue my Angry Birds long-time affair
Who knows how it happens, but we come to the end
The cabin lights brighten and we start to descend
I chuckle at those trying to squeeze shoes on cankles
You should have brought some comfortable jandals!
Disembarkation etiquette is tough to condone
‘Each man for himself’ is what’s normally shown
As I gladly step off, I wave the aircraft goodbye
“Never again!” I mutter, but it’s always a lie…..